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My Kitty 

My kitty died today
My mom called me at about 10:00 this morning to tell me 
she ate some poison last night and died in my bed because she crawled there 
I never got to say goodbye and it is killing me ..
i miss her so much
I have been crying about ti all day 
and i cant talk about it anymore 
she was like my first child 
I love you Monroe
Rest in Peace my love
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Life is short but this time it was bigger then the strength she had to get back on her feet

I dont know what i am doing ..
i dont know who i really am
i dont know what happpened between me and tracey but the distance that grew so fast is more than i have ever witnessed
I havent been sober in 11 days
I shake if i do not have a cigarette in my hand
I dont believe in L o v e
I have hid from myself longer than i have known myself .
I miss josh like a sickness
On october 5th steve mclaren saved my life
Noone will ever understand what i mean by that
I still think of travis brown from time to time and secretly loath the people that fed me lies about him
I want my friends to live the most beautiful of lives
I am the person that i was always scared i would become ... i have been this person for a long time..
It is amazing how easily you can put on a show and make people believe it
Diet pepsi is a drug
addiction is a part of every living beings lives
Tracey was more like a sister than a friend where we both fucked up and where we will both be in 20 years i will never know
I long to be a girl in a magazine
I was called filth for the first time in my life 3 days ago
someday me and steve will be together though we both have no idea when we know it will eventually happen and then probaly fail
The only boy a girl can trust is the boy who kept everything she ever gave him when she kept everything he gave her
YOU will never understand me .. why? because i will never understand
i need medication to talk .
when ur laughing ill be looking at my ceiling to keep my sanity .
Fuck you
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HAHA are all you fuckers in for a big surprise
love you all
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Everyday i miss you , every day i cry . You were the closest person to me whyd u force me to goodbye
who am i supposed to trust.
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